The Curious Columnist
The concept of truth is, of course, nothing new to anyone over the age of say, three. Thanks to Disney’s “Pinocchio,” even as itty-bitty kiddos, most of us understood truth-telling to be virtuous, and dishonesty to be fraught with peril. (Heck the visage of Pinocchio’s ever-expanding schnoz haunted me for at least a decade, and I’m still traumatized by those Donkeys.)
As children, we were expressly told to tell others the truth. However, the value of being honest with oneself was seldom elucidated. Thus, at some point along our journey toward maturity, we learned to spin the narrative of our life events a la the teacup ride at Disney World. You know, the popular attraction in which a fleet of teacups the size of Volkswagen Bugs whirl and twirl unsuspecting tots to the peak of nausea. (Apparently, I’m on a Disney kick.)
From teacup age on, we likewise spin our truths in anticipation of being judged. Rather than owning up to reality or taking accountability, we tend to tweak the tales we tell to keep the unflattering tidbits under wraps. As time goes on, we can’t seem to escape the spin … or perhaps the collateral nausea — but why?
Well, we may spin our lack of gainful employment on a resume to get a gig. We may spin our breakup story to sidestep appearing rejected. We may spin failures to evade embarrassment.
Those resume gaps may be the direct result of getting canned, but we don’t dare utter the words, “I was fired,” aloud. Getting let go is a phenomenon with which many of us can relate. And being brave enough to tell that truth amongst friends can be empowering. So why do we remain inhibited?
On the breakup front, maybe the truth was that our former partner instigated the split. Very few folks openly cop to that extent of rejection. But why should we feel pressured to lie? Often, when we reveal whatever painful truth we’ve been holding on to, we realize that oodles of others have successfully come out on the other side. We remember that we’re not alone. Plus, once the parting of ways is in the rearview mirror, does it really matter who made the first move?
And embarrassment is a universal, often daily inevitability. We’ve all been there. When I encounter someone who authentically tells their truth sans spin, I typically feel almost instantly at ease in their presence, because they’re genuine.
If lying is tantamount to betraying others, isn’t it also a betrayal of self? Sometimes we spin to protect ourselves. Sometimes we spin to shield someone else. Sometimes we spin simply because painting a pretty picture has become second nature. Plus, we have come to believe that no one wants to face the ugly truth — most of all, ourselves.
Here’s the thing — personal truths are not always ugly. Often, they are a detour in the right direction, or a necessary rung on life’s ladder of lessons, or a specter which must be confronted in order to move forward. Even when truths are painful and undeniably unpretty, hiding from our emotions only weighs us down. When things don’t go our way, more times than not, we succumb to shame. But should we? At the end of the day, the judgement we attempt to avoid serves as a distraction from truly feeling our feelings. And honoring those feelings is precisely how to heal. Spinning may seem like a means of saving face. Here’s the truth — spinning, especially to oneself, guarantees nothing more than a daze of dizziness … which is best reserved for a whirl in a massive teacup.
Jennifer Silverman has served as a celebrity wardrobe stylist for hundreds of TV personalities and professional athletes. A few of her favorite projects include the Olympic Games and the Oscars. Silverman and her Westie, Petunia, relocated from Manhattan to Amelia Island in 2019. She launched her popular newspaper column, The Curious Columnist in 2022. Additional quirky commentary penned by Silverman is available by visiting www.CuriousColumnist.com. Email her at Jennifer@CuriousColumnist.com
